Spiders

[rodo]

Now, I am a very phobic person, but my oldest and one of my most annoying phobias is arachnophobia. It wasn't as bad in the city, mostly because I live far above ground, but at the moment I'm at my mother's. Which means a garden and a house with more holes than I want to think about (there's something living in the attic, not sure if it's rats, doves or racoons, for example). Which means spiders, a lot of them.

During the last few weeks, it was especially bad. I go to down into the cellar to get something to eat – huge spider (bigger than two euros) on the ceiling. I sit in the living room and surf the internet – big spider crawling down the wall next to the only door. I get up in the morning and start dressing – big spider crawling out of my trousers. I read a book in bed – big spider tries to land on the book. It's frustrating. It's also the reason why I'm fairly miserable right now.

I can't sleep in the dark anymore. I can't even sleep in twilight, because when I don't see a thing, I have to check every few seconds and if it's rather dark I see spiders in every shadow. I can't really sleep with the lights on either. Which means I'll at best get a few hours of light sleep during which I dream of big spiders in full detail, which means I'll wake up and have to check the whole room for spiders again. Rinse, repeat. I have a constant headache and am terribly tired all the time and my depression gets worse because of it. Urgh.

Now I'm tired, on ibuprofen and I really, really want to sleep but I dread going into my room because the last spider (the one right above my head while I was reading. I'd been dreaming about a spider up there only a few hours before then) terrified me. A lot.

The fun part: nobody gets it. If another person tells me "that the poor thing is more afraid of you, it really can't hurt you", I'm going to have a fit. I don't care if you think spiders are the cutest creatures ever. I just hope you get a nice, impractical phobia yourself. A phobia of insects, maybe.

Comments

[jaaaarne]

It's about time you mentioned it, 'cause I was about to upload a userpic with a spider. :) Could've been awkward. Although it's not a photo but a rather sketchy drawing. But well, I'll make something else instead. :)

I'm sorry you have such a problem, it's so sad. :( I personally am fascinated by spiders and their ability to weave such complex webs. I've read somewhere that if a web's strings were the diameter of a rope and the web itself was sized accordingly, then it would be able to "catch" a flying jet airliner. Utterly fascinating. Nature is just full of wonders, isn't it.

I'm really sorry you have to be around something you feel so uncomfortable about. It's not about it being impractical, it's rather about not having peace of mind and feeling miserable as a result, which does suck. *hugs you*

[rodo]

I can deal with userpics. I don't like them and will avoid looking at them, but I would probably not freak, especially if it's not a photo.