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rodoNow, I am a very phobic person, but my oldest and one of my most annoying phobias is arachnophobia. It wasn't as bad in the city, mostly because I live far above ground, but at the moment I'm at my mother's. Which means a garden and a house with more holes than I want to think about (there's something living in the attic, not sure if it's rats, doves or racoons, for example). Which means spiders, a lot of them.
During the last few weeks, it was especially bad. I go to down into the cellar to get something to eat – huge spider (bigger than two euros) on the ceiling. I sit in the living room and surf the internet – big spider crawling down the wall next to the only door. I get up in the morning and start dressing – big spider crawling out of my trousers. I read a book in bed – big spider tries to land on the book. It's frustrating. It's also the reason why I'm fairly miserable right now.
I can't sleep in the dark anymore. I can't even sleep in twilight, because when I don't see a thing, I have to check every few seconds and if it's rather dark I see spiders in every shadow. I can't really sleep with the lights on either. Which means I'll at best get a few hours of light sleep during which I dream of big spiders in full detail, which means I'll wake up and have to check the whole room for spiders again. Rinse, repeat. I have a constant headache and am terribly tired all the time and my depression gets worse because of it. Urgh.
Now I'm tired, on ibuprofen and I really, really want to sleep but I dread going into my room because the last spider (the one right above my head while I was reading. I'd been dreaming about a spider up there only a few hours before then) terrified me. A lot.
The fun part: nobody gets it. If another person tells me "that the poor thing is more afraid of you, it really can't hurt you", I'm going to have a fit. I don't care if you think spiders are the cutest creatures ever. I just hope you get a nice, impractical phobia yourself. A phobia of insects, maybe.
During the last few weeks, it was especially bad. I go to down into the cellar to get something to eat – huge spider (bigger than two euros) on the ceiling. I sit in the living room and surf the internet – big spider crawling down the wall next to the only door. I get up in the morning and start dressing – big spider crawling out of my trousers. I read a book in bed – big spider tries to land on the book. It's frustrating. It's also the reason why I'm fairly miserable right now.
I can't sleep in the dark anymore. I can't even sleep in twilight, because when I don't see a thing, I have to check every few seconds and if it's rather dark I see spiders in every shadow. I can't really sleep with the lights on either. Which means I'll at best get a few hours of light sleep during which I dream of big spiders in full detail, which means I'll wake up and have to check the whole room for spiders again. Rinse, repeat. I have a constant headache and am terribly tired all the time and my depression gets worse because of it. Urgh.
Now I'm tired, on ibuprofen and I really, really want to sleep but I dread going into my room because the last spider (the one right above my head while I was reading. I'd been dreaming about a spider up there only a few hours before then) terrified me. A lot.
The fun part: nobody gets it. If another person tells me "that the poor thing is more afraid of you, it really can't hurt you", I'm going to have a fit. I don't care if you think spiders are the cutest creatures ever. I just hope you get a nice, impractical phobia yourself. A phobia of insects, maybe.
no subject
Date: 2010-06-07 06:45 pm (UTC)